The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
