One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
