i just had sex bonerless
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
