tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
