just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
