my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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