I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
