I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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