I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just tell him i said nine months
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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