Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
