i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
