I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
