I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
