My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
