Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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