The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I looked at my own cervix.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
