the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
