tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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