i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
