I wish i was in the wii world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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