I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
