dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
