And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
