I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
