high people should be assigned attendants
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
