I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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