please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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