I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize