So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
