She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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