i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she told me i tasted like america
I'm at about main and main street
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
