You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
