i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
