Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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