we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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