That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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