Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
