me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
