I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
