Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
