and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
