and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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