found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize