I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize