he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
