you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
