I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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