You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
