If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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