were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
