Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
