Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
