Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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