Soap is not a condiment
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
