Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
