i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
