yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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