I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
