If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
