My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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