I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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