he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize