Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
