Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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