Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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