I cockslap morals
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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