it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
