are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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